I am fat. I have cellulite, and when I sit, my stomach folds into four ribbon like shapes. Naturally, I battle the weight. So sometimes I will eat two slices of cake, instead of five, will drop a few crystals off of the spoon just before I dip all 5 of them in my cup of tea, I will slice the crust off the 6 slices of bread just so I can feel good about eating less. Not to mention that I will insist that my meat be lean everyday when it is served on my plate at lunch, and at dinner. I will even throw in two push-ups atleast once a week. I cannot afford to take chances. I am a health nut like that.
So I am always on the look out for diet plans and regimens that I can follow. Once I discovered the cabbage soup diet, where you are supposed to eat cabbage soup for breakfast, lunch dinner and repeat for days on end. The carrot diet where you eat one huge carrot for breakfast, eat half a carrot for dinner and just sniff it at breakfast. There was the water diet where you drink water all day and all night for Lord knows how many days. Needless to say, I have tried all of these for all of like 3hours (total), and they have not done anything for me.
And these diet plans are all so depressing. How nice it would be to land on a diet that says, “lose 10kg on a diet of cake and ice cream” or “get amazing abs in two weeks of just sitting on the couch watching TV.” Or “the new whole milk with cream that is guaranteed to suck the cellulite out of your hands” How come I cannot lose weight in a fun way like that? I have been in despair for a long time over this, which is why I am excited to share with you this new magic bullet fun diet I have discovered...
I am signing up.
