nothing saying, just in the mood to write something, anything

When my cousin twat was in S.1, he was suspended from school for constantly refusing to go for karate classes. His dad failed to get any answers from him so he solicited for my services as ‘cool cousin’ to get him to tell him what the problem was. According to him, his hands were made for just one purpose. “These hands were made for the ladies,” he said to me with such conviction. Four years later, I get these free tickets to go see shaggy. As I had prior engagements, I called said cousin up and asked him to pick them from my place of work. As he did not call to thank me, I assumed he had failed to get the tickets. But on inquiry, I was told a certain teenager had indeed picked them up. Three weeks later, I get a phone call and caller ID says it is the little twat.

Lil twat: Antipop, what’s up man
A-P: er, I am okay. Hey, how come you never called to thank me for the shaggy tickets?
Lil Twat: Be chill man, I had no credit man.
A-P: So, this is a nice surprise…
Lil twat: Yea. Gwe man, I have a problem man
A-P: obviously, otherwise you would not be calling me
Lil.Twat: Man, Hols are gaming man, and I wanted to take my shortie out so I need you to house me man
A-P: How much are we looking at here?
Lil twat: I wanted to take her to G.C for a movie, then later hangout at the venue so I need like 40k, what! (I swear he said that. I did not just steal it (what) from Ivan)

1. When did the rules change? In my day, I was not even expected to know any boy’s name. Not even at campus
2. I can’t even afford to go to the theatre myself? Why am I expected to fund this teenage romance?
3. What is shortie?