BHH Impromptus Re-captus

Yesterday was the impromptu bhh which happens any time there is a major occasion. Yesterday we came to pay homage to the founding father or mother of BHH. This means that without her, we would have never had those monthly gatherings at Mateos where we all assemble and share a few sodas amongst ourselves in the hope that we do not get thrown out of the commercial bar. You see, she was the only one amongst Ugandan bloggers that thought it would be a good idea if we met every so often to worship the ground on which either one of us walks if you are to take S.A.G.E very seriously. As for me, I go to Bhh because that is the only social life I have! Anyway, without further ado, I bring you the re-cap, even if really I was not there long enough to qualify for this kind of job.

By the time I got there, most bloggers had already assembled which meant then that I had the odious task of going around the table issuing hugs and handshakes for the very fortunate ones, because I have got to tell you, it had been a long day and my deodorant is not known to move mountains. So I was still there greeting and hollering when my uncle spotted me from the other side of the velvet line. I went over to greet him and proceeded to explain to him why I was hanging with so many people. I had to lie to him that we are a group of people that publish newspapers on the internet. What was I going to say? That really we are just a bunch of wannabes that post pictures of thongs, breasts and bare torsos on our blogs? Pray tell, how was I going to explain to him what a blog was? He asked whether I was making good money via the online newspaper thing, I said no, coz I knew next he was going to tell me that Grandpa needed another set of walking sticks. Enough about me; the re-cap.

Nevender did manage to make it this time around, even though he sat right behind 27th where nobody could see him, what with Rev’s dreads blocking everything in sight for 20 miles or so. So Nev asked why I had not been replying his e-mails and I had no answer. You see, I did promise that we would each read a Psalm a day and then share with each other what we'd gotten out of it via mail, but truth be told, I read the first psalm and the next time I opened the bible, it took me straight to proverbs and I have never turned back since.

Speaking of bible books, Nevender was seated right next to one of my dearest friends neatsilverbow and when I walked in on them, they were engrossed in conversation. I later asked silverbow whether it was the Psalms they were discussing and she said “no, but soon we shall get to songs of songs.” By the way, she is leaving for Kenya today, hope she comes back with nice tales for us all. And do be a dear and say hello to eleet

Ivan’s graduating next weekend. Just before he came for BHH, he’d been buying a graduation gown. When I met him on the way to Mateos, he was wearing said gown intent on shocking and awing bloggers. I begged him to please take the gown off people were going to think he was insane and only then did he oblige. Honest.

The usual suspects were there. Darlene and Solomon King whom I did not get round to interacting with much because I had to leave early. Which was a shame really because they were the only ones that seemed to genuinely want me to stay longer. B2B, the man that has defied all the odds of maledom was there also and he asked me to leave a killa comment at his current post on which he roasts Cheri Akiki. So I went over to his comments and wrote; Killer. I would never dare take part in anything that does not portray Cheri in good light. I am deathly terrified of her. So please Akiki, just know I am not taking part in that thing where everybody has you against the wall.

Speaking of against the wall, Chanel in her grand entrance style did pin me up against a chair and started dry banging me from behind. I know. Took me by surprise too. I never pegged her for the whole PDA thing. I have got two words for you sista; HO!

The bazungu aka Detamble and Jackfruity the woman of the hour seemed to gel instantly. It must have been the accents. Finally Detamble found somebody that could understand her without having to repeat herself a million times. Rev did seem intent on breaking up that cozy thing they had going and he could be seen pitching into the conversation at the top of his voice. He also made it a point to discuss with me my most recent post in detail which of course was embarrassing for me. If I had known we were going to discuss each other’s most recent posts surely I would have made much of an effort to cram some of the lines in his post!

Jny23ug was there with his usual wild tales which I shall not disclose on this blog at this time.

Nevender came over with a friend who told me his name was Simon. “Simon peter?” I enthused. No he said not getting the joke. Obviously he does not read Erique’s blog. I did ask him also if he had a blog and he said no, as if I had insulted him so I left it at that. I think he was just a well wisher, or a spy. Another well wisher called Linda made up an appearance and spent the entire evening chatting with Rev, I do not know about what.

Edsla was there and he and chanel I think made good use of the seating arrangement to talk about I imagine Juliet or how Mr. Bigg was not amused that Eddsla once asked Chanel whether he could spend the weekend with her at a hotel seeing as I had turned down the offer
Then I left.

On another note, you seriously have to check out beeeme. She has shockingly delicious candid tales. Not prescribed for you Nev, Cheri the virgin and any under 21s.

The cleaner and why you should never steal a phone battery

I am not a thief. My sister knows that about me. So yesterday when I stole somebody’s battery, it caught even me by surprise. Nuh, not really. I was there, so obviously I could not have been surprised. But this story did not begin yesterday. Sometime last year, there is this guy at work whose phone could not charge. So I graciously agreed that every time he ran out of battery, which was often by the way, I would switch batteries with him so that I could charge using my phone. That arrangement worked soo well until the weekend when we opted to spend time with our families (he with his family, me with the TV). So then he decided that enough was enough he was gonna buy another phone.

He sold the old phone-with MY battery in it- and got a brand new version of the old phone. So therein lay the problem. Sure our batteries were the same make but his battery was sooo weak I found I had to charge my phone often sometimes up to twice in one day. I told workmate about this and he promised to sort me out.

Now fast forward to yesterday. Workmate left his phone lying around so I seized the opportunity and went for his battery. In the middle of switching, he walked into the office, so I dived into another guy’s office and once the switch was made, I returned his phone. Whoosh! That was close. I had gotten away with it. In fact I had gotten away with it soo good, he did not connect the dots when 5 minutes later he asked to use my charger when only moments before his phone battery was full. So today morning, I am seated minding my own business which usually means that I am either chatting or chatting when he poses this question;

Workmate (not looking amused); Antipop, how would you feel if somebody read your sms
Antipop (taking the bait); Why, I would be incensed of’course
Workmate (pleased with his ensnaring antics); So how come you read my sms yesterday?
Antipop, yesterday heist forgotten; Huh? What are you talking about?
Workmate: Yes. Yesterday in the morning. You went away with my phone, read my sms and came back giggling. Don’t think I never saw you return my phone stealthily. Why did you read my messages? Why? So that you can unearth my secrets and publish them in the papers?

That tirade went on and on, so to put a stop to it, I owned up to stealing his battery instead. He did not believe me. And so the rant continued. moral of this one, when you steal phone batteries, never, ever giggle.

And now the cleaner;
Our office cleaner guy is very nice. He always makes us all tea in the morning. The perfect help if you like. So anyway, the drainage for the sink in the bathroom is broken, when one washes their hands, the water just leaks on down to the floor. So Wasswa, he is bright, put a bucket underneath the sink to hold the water. Now on two occasions when the bucket is full good, he has proceeded to empty the contents back into the sink….

Introducing; I find that she writes brilliantly.

Most memorable posts continued

Previously on this blog, i was suckin up to people. This is to let you aoll know that i am not yet done. here is presenting to you some more bloggers. Note, this is not to say that these are your best pieces of work. they are just the ones that have stuck with me.

I have run out of adjectives to describe talented and extremely gifted writers. So I shall just introduce you to tumwijuke, fondly known as tumwi. If ever there was blogger royalty, she would be queen, Baz king, leaving the rest of us openly gazing in unconcealed envy. Except Enrique. He would be next in line for the throne. Nuh. Just kidding. All of you are talented just the same so I am going to go on record as saying blogville is like Switzerland! There is no president. You all rule. Back to tumwi who can write and write good. To try and explain how fantastic she is with words (when she wants to be) is an injustice. So y’all go back and try to enjoy this as much as I did. And I don’t even like poetry.

Nobody likes a smart ass. Introducing to you this obnoxious, unapologetic , sweet faced smart ass. I call him Erique, the baby faced assassin. I swear one day I want to kill him, the next day I try to boycott his blog for a senseless hilarious post he has written but then minutes later I find myself clicking Go and into his world I come again. This newbie is hilarious funny and and and. He says all the things you have thought secretly but never dared to utter. I remember when I first met him, how much I urged him to join the blogger community. If I had known he would come in and overshadow the rest of us, maybe I would have not been so generous with extending my invite. Whatever you do, you must absolutely read his blog in this lifetime. But read especially, his advice on love

One woman that does not mince her words is Miss Chanel here. She says it like it is and is not afraid to rubbish anybody at their own blogs. Jesus. I am almost terrified of her. She also hosts very nice house parties even tho she makes me do all the work while she takes all the glory. Of course she also steals from me, but this post is not about spoiling her good name. She has a guest blogger called Mr. Bigg. I wonder if it is only just her blog he visits. Anybody remember how she rubbished men’s bu small things thus; I don’t smoke cigarettes?

Joulletv- I keep saying she chose the wrong profession; law. She writes like how many journalists should be writing like…but whatever. I will not say which of hers was my favorite post. To what end? Her blog is blocked to all else. An injustice if I ever saw one. Your posts have made for some great reading

Carlo. No. it was not the boobs post! You can start shooting me now if you want, but really I was not enthralled by pictures of girls baring protruding growths. What am I saying? I guess I am just jealous my breasts were not among the pics that were drooled upon. Anyway, I liked the originality and creativity behind this post. Kinda took me back to my roots. For that, I will name her most creative blogger of the year.

Dusk aka spice aka mindblowing something something. She is computer illiterate. Once her computer asked her to delete her blog and she pressed 'yes.' And as computer is wont to do, it asked her again. "Are you sure Dusk? Are you absolutely certain? without a doubt you want to delete the blog? what are you crazy? you mean you really want to proceed with this insanity?" and again she said yes. Then she came complaining. but she is one candid feisty young lady I must say. Has anybody read her most recent toe curling post? Read it. But then read this one also…

Xenafleur. I have met her. She is as strange as her blog name. Her tale of her taxi romance was funny. Pity she did not like it. Me, i laughed so hard.

Solomon King has more alter egos than he knows what to do with. Okay fine so he utilizes them all but I find it very confusing. Thanks for bringing us bloggers under the one blogspirit thing. You have made blogging much easier for most people. Except me who is still set in the old fashioned way of finding the most recently updated blogs by typing in all of the blog URLs I have off head. It works too. Thing is I cannot use technology. Solomon King is also just only human. Read about surviving trying times here.

Then there is Solomon's friend, the faceless Emry’s who I am dying to meet. I hear he is a weak dude! Boys, i think you should stop selling yourselves short. In the wise words of Swaibu, "temwenyoma!". Mark my words Emrys, i shall find you! in his spare time, he writes love letters.

Intelligentsia used to run a good and funny blog until he launched a website. Needless to say, his blog has been starved of any real entertaining posts for a while now, but thankfully, he started off the New Year with comeback posts. By the way he is Kenyan and very possibly eats Ugali aka posho with fried meat, and so he does not choke, he washes it down with Senator. My most memorable post of his has got to be the one where he calls on all bloggers to send pics of their desktops. He posted the results someplace on his website I think.

Darlene. How can we ever show how grateful we are for ensuring that happy hour runs ever so smooth and on schedule? Your picture taking skills are awesome. More awesome is some of the flak you might take from said pictures. Here, see for yourselves. Also, remember how she had this wild tale about snoozing?

He is fresh out of school, fresh in to blogging. His name is Nevender and you dare not call him Neverender Chanel. He is miffed by such carelessness. His posts have brought what I shall call spiritual equilibrium amongst us. A nice balance from Rev’s chants and gug’s well, self proclaimed atheism. Anyway, once he wrote about how sex before marriage was like pizza! I never heard anything truer. I love pizza.

Speaking of gug, he once said he does not care whether we read his posts, so I guess he won’t care that I will considerately not mention his posts except to say that he takes fight for the rights of gays very seriously and he has my support. I told you guys, this post is a major kiss butt job.

Three words. Party party party. Is how one can only describe Eddsla. And his posts. And who can forget how he tried and succeeded I must add at getting us all to feel sorry for him coz his girlfriend was well, moving on? He had Chanel and whatshisname the mushy guy throw a drink up thingy in his honor. Speaking of Chanel, who can forget how Mr. Bigg warned Eddsla thus; hands off chanel, she is a taken woman. Drama follows this guy and we love to read about it. this one time, he responded to a stray text and here are the results

Mylz Rwamiti; an example of a blog I should never have read.

To be continued

the one about facebook

I hate facebook
I despise it
Especially(or only) because really I am a computer illiterate who would not know the first thing to do with a social networking site. So to hide my secret this, I pretend like Facebook is beneath me. I call facebookers such names as juvenile dimwits, spit on them with unconcealed distaste and then walk away and go cry my eyes out from shame and envy.

Now because I swore to all of my friends that I would never be caught in the dead hanging with the idle lot (I hear even Harry Sagara is on facebook) I did the next best brave thing and opened a facebook account with an alias. You understand, I had a reputation to protect. Tamara Agaba was henceforth born on facebook. Tamara, because at the time that brilliant idea hit me I was watching big brother and the field presenter from I do not remember where was called Tamara. And she was tall. Agaba because I have a feeling in my past life, I might have been called Agaba.

By the way, y’all missed my kwanjula last nite. Yeah. I dreamt that I had a kwanjula. The groom wore a brown suit.

But back to facebook. I went about the process of inviting friends and my friends’ friends and by the end of that exercise, I had all of 9 contacts. I know. My friends are not very much loved I am afraid. I must say I found facebook rather boring. Apart from changing my what do they call it that thing that begins with Tamara is… it was an absolute bore. But secure in the knowledge that my undercover moves had not been found out, I plied on. But one day, this conversation took place in the taxi between my friend and I;

Antipop (says something true to friend)
Antipop friend(not looking very convinced)
Antipop: Honest. Would I ever lie to you?
Antipop friend: I don’t know, Tamara, would you?


As you all probably already know, my year already began. And I have no resolutions. Especially coz I cannot work under pressure. That means you and you should stop heaping all that pressure on me to post, post, post. I meant to post this one last year, but I figured this would be the best time to do it. No better time to suck up to people than at the beginning of the year. Here is me ranking my favorite posts of each of you from last year. Or of years past. In no particular order.

Ivan the queen of puns is a talented writer. When I can make the time to read his long posts, I do have enormous fun. My favorite post of his is when he narrated his harrowing experience with a serial killer. It was a killer read if I must say. did y’all see the pun right there? i learn fast.

Rev, has also some weird looooooooooooooooong posts. I mean he puts the lo in long, the de in detailed, the i.n.g on words. Needless to say, do I rarely read his brilliant writing to the end, which I must add is such a waste seeing as he is a very talented philosopher and let’s face it, idealist. But the day he told the story of how his mom had rescues and abandoned baby, I fell in love. With the tale.

And this brings me to Detamble of course. I knew her so much better when she was in Australia. Now that she is here, she has become quite a stranger. Whatever it is she is doing must keep her mighty occupied! Geddit? Occupied, ha ha! Anyway, she had this whole beautiful write up about her country/continent. The land of the free she called it. Weird, I always thought Australia was the land of thieves. That piece captured the very essence of good writing.

Princess. This one was born with a pen in her hands. If I ever saw beautiful writing, I saw it at her page. She is very crafty with words this one. it is almost impossible to pick. My most memorable tale of hers was the one about a boy, girl and a motel. Such flow. Such eloquence. Such fluency. Such fun.

Speaking of fun, Baz is my Ugandan John O’Farrell. John O’farell is only like my favorite writer ever. Damn! I can read his stuff over and over and still laugh as hard! And that is exactly how Baz makes me feel. It is awful hard to pick from which of his is my most memorable, but I am going to go ahead and say it is the one where he gave 24(the series) a whole different spin. I laughed so hard, i farted. True story. anyway, i was so excited i spun in my chair eager to share with...

Phantom who told me to get a life he had read that post about a year before. Still I did not let him take my shine. Come to think of it, that was not the first time he was raining on my parade. this one time while doing a random search about a random thing i do not remember on google, I found a totally random blogpost about Ugandan writers . So I show him said post and guess what? He was the author of said post! I will go ahead and nominate bite me as my most memorable from his lot. and not only because it has a tempting title.

Then there is Phoebe. She is weird. So is what she writes about, and how she writes it. But she is damn good at what she does. I guess that is how come she got a scholarship to go to Italy to study. I have always wondered. Read this letter to her dad.

And who can forget Tandra’s random ramblings? and those comments she leaves lying around? she is not one to throw words generously around. if she leaves more than two words in your comment section, dude, you will be real blessed. Read about her yoga class esxcapades.

Not only does this guy have strange post titles, he does this thing where he adds 'ness' to all words large and small. Back to basics has made for some nice entertainment over the years. He tackles issues that most other boys are not willing to get into. He asks and answers questions about size, romance and whatever other mushy stuff other real guys are afraid of tackling, like whether or not it is okay for boys to cry at the sight of breasts. And the good news is, it does not make him less macho. This is a tale of how he almost made a girl fall preggers by just looking at her. if you are one to believe that sort of thing.

You cant mention him without mentioning the missus of course whose blog is 'if he can so can I' but for now, she has not been able to keep up with his zeal. This tale of when a certain blogger gave her a fake phone number was hilarious. I mean it is okay for a chic to give a guy the wrong phone number, but chic on chic action? Now that is new.

When i started out, i thought this was going to be easy! Jesus! there is so many of you. so i am going to have to do this thing in three segments. For those of you that did not make this list, that does not mean that i love you any less. so please chanel, dry your tears.

so i say, have a nice day
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