Fuck-face here

Now, I am never going to win a Nobel for good language. But I also do not dispense it where it is not warranted. And that is like once a year. But not this year. Just today alone, I have let my tongue loose like a million times already. Well, mostly in my head really. And who has brung this on, you may ask? It is some moron called Moses

One of my workmates is going away to study in Europe (you would think I am so totally jealous but I swear I am not.) and I thought it would be nice to do something awesome for her. I mean she can be a bum sometimes, like the other day when she outed me to the boss, but do I hold grudges? No. So my sweet awesome ass decided to throw her a surprise party. Since I could not do it by my not so broke self, I figured I could solicit around from all the guys that lounge at the workplace, and that are always smiling at her (they have to pay for something, no?). Which is how I composed this mail and sent it to the relevant guys. And some gals.

greetings y'all,
you are invited to phoebe's SURPRISE farewell party on saturday 3rd. may at club sway.
nothing fancy. No need to borrow clothes.
now, what is a party without contributions?
consider this a fundraiser mail
pitch in wherever you can. all of you.
kindly RSVP by end of day to help me plan.


PS. need I remind you to keep your mouths shut around phoebe?

Simple enough English if you ask me. Enter moron aka Moses, who happens to sit in the same area that most of us sit, including the subject of the surprise party thing. Opens mail, before he reads anything, says,

"Antipop, what is this mail all about? Whose farewell?"
I totally ignore him, hoping he will read on further and shut his mouth. He reads on and then shouts;
Phoebe, when is this party?
Phoebe, confused, looks around so moron, sori, moses goes on,
Your farewell party I mean. This one at sway, when is is? If it is on sarturday pliz count me out. I will not be able to make it”
By now, everyone is laughing, and the joke is on me.

I do not have many tear jerking moments. I do not cry when I see babies. Quite frankly, they all look like ugly imps, and unless I am crying at just how ugly a human being can look, I don’t cry at all. I don’t cry when I see animals being mistreated. They are animals. And I eat them for crying out loud. The other day, everyone in the car I was in broke down to tears when they saw a dog, lick another’s wounds after it had been knocked down on a highway. I did not cry. I did not cry when I watched titanic, I did not cry when I broke up with a loser I liked, I did not cry when the queen waved at me on Kampala road. I don’t cry. But this made me cry. Moses made me cry. He brought me to tears. And I will make him pay. I don’t know how, but he will pay. This I promise you.

25 loungers burdening me:

Dante said...

I really regret not getting to meet you at BHH last thursday. really

Jasmine said...

i'm so sorry. that sucks!
but its funny. okay, you tell it funny.

Tandra said...

dante, u can set up your own meeting.. it doesnt have to be a bhh, does it?? ((innocently asks)))

there's always one of them lozers at the office... ALWAYS!

i shall await detail of the wat u wil do to him..

DeTamble said...

Hmmm. I suggest something nasty. You should put a small piece of rotting fish into something of his so it will stink and he won't be able to figure out where it is from or what it is.
Or something worse, think of something, cause I'm totally useless! :-D

phoebe said...

and i love you. really.

ps. that brings u up here with Jason - the love of my life.

(his sister Zoe should meet u in a dark alley.i swear. for three years she is been waiting, and u just go and be this sweet).

Moses is all those things u called him. too bad u had to find out this way.

sori abt the length of this

Princess said...

Utter crapology is that moron Moses!
But you do spin a tale nice!

candybox said...

I guess there's one born every minute.

savage said...

I hope that is not the Moses many local artistes regard highly.

Anonymous said...

Many times, I like to take Moses' side, but this time, I was so mad at him meself. He can be such an annoying person sometimes. Sorry about that.

Jny said...

''Antipop'' for President..........
Big love always.

The 27th Comrade said...

Cut him to ribbons and feed him on himself. :o)

But, in many ways, that slowness can be endearing. Of course that's when it's not ruining surprise parties. Also, as a rule, if you tell someone, it's no surprise no more.

Mr.Back2Basics... said...

Good Intentions to Bad Intentions or should i say Cruel Intentions

I suggest in your next post you ask for suggestions on how to make him pay...

If he's the kissable type, just drop him a hott date, turn him on, and er....


Mr.Basics... said...

Always spot on girl... (about Dante i.e.)


Phoenix said...

Savage, yes he is the one held in such hight regard.
First of all I want to yell and bitch slap someone for not getting that mail yet
1} i work with y'all
2}I kinda like Phoebe
3} I have a new dress that needs an occassion before it rots in the closet.
Also who knows by some miracle i could have contributed.
Is the party still on?
By the way thanks for all your support over at mine. To show my gratitude I will gladly come up with a plan for the moron. just tell me if you want him to disappear or if i should leave just enough for people to recorgnise him.

Anonymous said...

For a guy his age (i assume he is in his mid 30s) to behave like a 4yr old, i wonder whether the punishment shld be of a 4yr or 30-something yr old.

Carlo said...

I'm still stuck on the "i don't cry" part. At ANY of those things? shucks!

val said...

he's definitely a moron...gosh!!!

Majonzi said...

hehehe.. what if Moses reads this blogpost? Will he read it out loud to the whole office? Lol!

Anonymous said...

Shit...Moses really is a mook! MORON!

Oh my God...

This is me waiting for the sequel to this...as in what u did to MORON!


Afrobabe said...

Lmao..that Moses guy has got to be the fool of the century..hahhahahahah..got tears in my eyes…
Not crying at watching the titanic takes me back to uni…a friend asked us to tell her when we get to where people cry…we forgot..movie finished and she looked quite confused thinking she had gotten the wrong version..lmao..

I cried watching Passion of the Christ though…cried so much my eyes swoll (how is it spelt again?) up.

tumwijuke said...

Oh Antipop! Once you scratch past that hardened front you so like to put up, you are just a big old baby like the rest of us.

DeTamble said...

I hope you are right Tumwi, about her being a baby like the rest of us, otherwise I think I am a little scared of her.

antipop said...

veri funni detamble....NOT.

Hazel Eyes said...

Ok, really, you gatta love Moses, imagine if it wasnt for him some of us would never have enjoyed Chinese in our lives ask Innocent or Bruno, we would never have seen Phoebe crying ever because the lights in the club would have been really dark, probably my man would never have let me step in a club, and we would never have showed off that we were having dinner at a fancy resturant instead of some club somewhere owned by some stuck up teeneger whose favourite pass time is to run over people with his big wheels.
I would probably never have seen Antipop in that hot number. Gal call me dyke but you were HOT to the dot, I didnt even want to seat next to you and if HE didnt see you yesterday then I guess he is a loser.
Would they have let us have all those drinks at Sway? Would your boss Carol have showed face in a club? Moses thank you for this glamorous party rather than that 'Been there everyone done that' party that was to be. And I sure would have missed the whole thing if it wasnt for Moses being that Antipop had eliminated me by absence. And anyway people if you think this post is long then stop reading it damn it. No I wont get my own blog go and hug if it kills you that I cant stop writing about Moses being who he is. MOSES

phoebe said...

yes Hazel eyes. Moses is hot- he rocks. But get ur own damn blog; or pay for Antipop's space.

with love

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