Fuck-face here

Now, I am never going to win a Nobel for good language. But I also do not dispense it where it is not warranted. And that is like once a year. But not this year. Just today alone, I have let my tongue loose like a million times already. Well, mostly in my head really. And who has brung this on, you may ask? It is some moron called Moses

One of my workmates is going away to study in Europe (you would think I am so totally jealous but I swear I am not.) and I thought it would be nice to do something awesome for her. I mean she can be a bum sometimes, like the other day when she outed me to the boss, but do I hold grudges? No. So my sweet awesome ass decided to throw her a surprise party. Since I could not do it by my not so broke self, I figured I could solicit around from all the guys that lounge at the workplace, and that are always smiling at her (they have to pay for something, no?). Which is how I composed this mail and sent it to the relevant guys. And some gals.


greetings y'all,
you are invited to phoebe's SURPRISE farewell party on saturday 3rd. may at club sway.
nothing fancy. No need to borrow clothes.
now, what is a party without contributions?
consider this a fundraiser mail
pitch in wherever you can. all of you.
kindly RSVP by end of day to help me plan.

Antipop

PS. need I remind you to keep your mouths shut around phoebe?

Simple enough English if you ask me. Enter moron aka Moses, who happens to sit in the same area that most of us sit, including the subject of the surprise party thing. Opens mail, before he reads anything, says,

"Antipop, what is this mail all about? Whose farewell?"
I totally ignore him, hoping he will read on further and shut his mouth. He reads on and then shouts;
Phoebe, when is this party?
Phoebe, confused, looks around so moron, sori, moses goes on,
“Your farewell party I mean. This one at sway, when is is? If it is on sarturday pliz count me out. I will not be able to make it”
By now, everyone is laughing, and the joke is on me.


I do not have many tear jerking moments. I do not cry when I see babies. Quite frankly, they all look like ugly imps, and unless I am crying at just how ugly a human being can look, I don’t cry at all. I don’t cry when I see animals being mistreated. They are animals. And I eat them for crying out loud. The other day, everyone in the car I was in broke down to tears when they saw a dog, lick another’s wounds after it had been knocked down on a highway. I did not cry. I did not cry when I watched titanic, I did not cry when I broke up with a loser I liked, I did not cry when the queen waved at me on Kampala road. I don’t cry. But this made me cry. Moses made me cry. He brought me to tears. And I will make him pay. I don’t know how, but he will pay. This I promise you.