Move B****, Get out the way!

I have started and not completed over 4 posts in the last two weeks since I last posted but was never able to complete them coz my job could not allow me the time. I have recently come to the conclusion that I hate my job. And not only because I cannot read/write blogs any more. I deliberately missed this particular course on campus because I did not want to get bogged down with eternal butt kissing, but here I am at it. You might say that I sold my soul.


Of course I have been reading all your blogs, but not commenting as much except where it was absolutely impossible for me not to say anything!

I have of course gone through things during this whole time. I still can’t ride a bicycle but I can assure you that when it comes to eating raw pork at Kyadondo, I find that I excel greatly. Seeing as I do not excel at many other things, I am really happy with that achievement. No. I already have enough gold stars so don’t stress. And other things have gone on since last I posted. A guy I know went and gave his wife a ministerial post. No really. The president did. I keep thinking what his last thought was just before he slotted Janet’s name on the dotted line. God I hope Ugandan’s do not see this as nepotism. Of’ course not. ‘MY’ people would never think evil thoughts like those about me. No. by now Ugandans are so used to this sort of thing and nothing I do can surprise them anymore. In fact, I do not expect anybody to raise dust about this appointment at all. Ugandans dig me. And with that last thought, he flicked his parker pen and wrote;

State minister in charge of Karamoja; Sweetheart.

I have been wondering how he got to this conclusion and I figure, it could have gone one of these three ways. Take your pick.

Conversations with the Mistress

Darling, we have talked about this before, but I do not see you doing anything about it. When will she get out of the way? Are you even ever going to leave her? Now, now my love, do not stress your beautiful behind over it. I have a few plans in my mind. Really? Does that mean you are going to do a Kiyingyi on her? No. not that darling. But this one is even cooler. Entwining his fingers in hers, he looks at her gently and pronounces; I know, how about, I ship her off to a land far away, where network is poor, so she won’t be calling me incessantly. Then my darling you can move in here with me Monday to Friday.
Without waiting for an answer, he turned around and buried his head in the pillow right where it was embroidered Love Nest Motel and immediately went to sleep, content in the knowledge that he had given her a pleasant enough answer.

The one about Valentines’ day

Janet was lying around lazily drying her freshly painted toe nails imagining what hubby dearest had gotten her for Valentine’s Day never imagining that in their thirty something years of marriage he would forget just how important this day was to her. He had been hinting lately how much unattractive her underwear was getting by the day so she surely expected a gift in form of lingerie. She could not wait to try it on for him. When he came to bed at 3 that nite, he did not even bother to say anything to her, even if her shallow breathing suggested that she was still awake. The next day at breakfast, realizing that he was in trouble, and not willing to get into any confrontation, he told her that last night was a deliberate move to get her all worked up but he had a surprise for her that would sure make up for everything. And on Tuesday Feb 17th, she learned of it in her favorite tabloid. She found out just how long she would have to travel to unveil her belated Valentine ’s Day gift and was not amused. Lingerie would have done just fine.

Let’s bury the hatchet?

Yea so all those reports in the press that I was against you standing for that parliamentary post in Ruhama? Those were utterly wrong.. I have never wanted anything more in my life than for you to become an MP. I swear. I would have done anything. Yes of’ course including giving up my presidency if it meant you becoming MP. No. really. I would totally forget about any more bisanjas if you wanted me to. Your happiness is all that matters to me right now and just to prove how much I am into you furthering your political ambitions, here is a real political post. Go see if Karamoja can catch up with the rest of us.

28 loungers burdening me:

Robyn said...

first
socks on this one

Robyn said...

dont quit your job cos of blogville
hook up with a pda os something,,dont have one but i hear its like moving with your little office even at work.
sincerely lingerie always does the trick on Vals.

Anonymous said...

The Gestapo will be paying you a visit soon. It was nice knowing you.
-baz

B2B, ok Mr.B2B said...

i guess it's nice to be ,missed innit??

a dope laugh as always

@Baz
on point...
on point!!

tumwijuke said...

I have a reason to drown myself in drink today. The images this post has created in my mind ... I. Must. Purge.

Don't worry about the Gestapo. I don't think they know how to switch on computers. They are still getting their minds around the wonders of the 'escape' button. By the time they get to 'blogs' you'll be lying on a beach in the Maldives.

nevender said...

aNtiPop, I used to know you...

Kale imagine; is this the way you want to go down?

Mudamuli said...

And here I was thinking she was sent there because there is gold in Karamoja.

Erique said...

Welcome back, my love.

Goodbye, my love.

Ashy said...

[muffled laughter]

Carsozy said...

this one made my day, no network indeed, please don't make her chopper crash in your next post coz this dude is bound to stop at nothing and still can't get the embarrassing thought of a woman old enough to be my mother wearing sexy lingerie, you're nuts.

the emrys said...

yay! she's back. hi antipop!

Chanel said...

Who would have thunk? Only you my darling

Ugandan girl said...

- You are at campus studying how to ride a bicycle....ok?!

-I didnt know sweet Janet had any connections with Karamoja. To be state minister of an area dont you need to be from the area..?

I will go with let's bury the hatchet..though mistress one sounds about right.

Emi's said...

lol, Dope speculation, Where is this Love Nest Motel?

Bikes are not like spaceships, you'll pass out if you check out the controls...you can get it in less than 30 mins -Am willing to bet

Good to have you back

petesmama said...

Lol! I know all about that raw pork.

By the way, Our Lady of Ruhaama and her 20-something strong convoy run us off the road yesterday.

Liz said...

Glad to see the hiatus didn't dull your razor sharp wit!

Gosh this is the reason I have burst out in laughter and gotten strange looks from work mates.

As for Mama Uganda, I am still speechless!

Erique said...

I give you till 6pm to post something.

Failure to comply, you'll be receiving a call from me or an aide. It won't be a good call

Miss Cheri said...

Chicka, I'm K-Jong even!!!

Love nest motel??? Madame?!

31337 said...

way to go. that gives me ideas for the next valentines day. appointments. in remote places. awesome.

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