Blame it on the weatherman

The President wore his best ‘pained expression’ as he looked around at all the stick thin people around him. “My fellow Africans and indeed good citizens of Somalia; it is unfortunate that this famine is threatening to wipe all of you out. Unfortunate because back home in Uganda, the fields are flourishing…”

“No Mr. President” whispered his most trusted aide who was by now perspiring in shame. “We are actually in Teso. It is a district in Uganda mind you…” at which point the president amended his speech and cut and paste the word Teso where previously was Somalia.

It has been a while since Uganda got associated with severe famine. Sure biting poverty does still rage on but an actual calamity where famine was killing off people like an epidemic has been out of the news for a while.
The famine in Eastern Uganda, Teso to be exact, which has claimed about 35 lives, has taken many of us by surprise. Some of us even first heard of it during the momentary gasps for air as we took a break from stuffing our already bulging stomachs. It is sad and we should be ashamed.

But not as ashamed as Andrew Bageire, Minister of State for Agriculture, and Tarsis Kabwegere, Minister of Relief and Disaster Preparedness who tried to water down this fiasco; Bageire by saying that the people of Teso were paying this heavy price for being lazy spending most of their time drinking ajon (local brew) instead of growing and stockpiling food and Kabwegere by insisting on describing it as a “food shortage” but not famine. (source; Observer)

Bageire also implied that their (Itesot) otherwise avoidable situation was compounded by the unpredictable weather changes because his ministry last month released sh910m to the Teso region for planting materials. His boss the President picked up on this and tried to ride on this as well going a step further to blame the Entebbe meteorological centre. Apparently these guys did not predict the drought. So then he called the guy at the weather center

“Hello? Yea. So then you are the manager of the weather station? ”

"Yes. We expect light showers around the lake Victoria region with sunshine expected at the source of the Nile. The rest of the country will be relatively…"

“Listen to me. I am the president calling. How come you did not predict sunshine and drought in Teso? Now my ministers are here looking foolish…”

"Is that true Mister President? How weird! Only last year there were floods. I never thought that all that water would have dried out by now. “

All this nonsense has not gone down well with the area MPs especially the females who walked out of parliament in protest over the insensitivity of the likes of Bageire and Kabwegere (read men) in reacting to this disaster. Tears rolled down the cheeks of two female MPs Rose Akol [Bukedea] and Akiror Agnes Egunyu [Kumi] in what was a grieving demonstration of the emotional toll of the famine. (SOurce; Daily Monitor)

Some industrious person was seen collecting those tears to go and try to produce food and water from it.

Only last night at 8:00pm in a posh house in Kololo, a frustrated mother is trying to force feed beef to his son who just had a chicken sandwich for an evening snack with a gold spoon. In Teso, a starved rainmaker can be heard over the cries for food asking for five kilos of meat before he can summon the rains.

Note; the writer has done absolutely nothing towards contributing to the famine victims. There is a Help famine victims corner at Garden City that I intend to make good use of after beating myself up in shame.

25 loungers burdening me:

yz said...

Socks!

yz said...

Collecting tears to go and try to produce food and water from it...hehehe...

jny23 said...

Please pass by as mine on yo way to garden City so we can go together.

the emrys said...

how does one go about beating one into shame, eh?

serakelz said...

banange ssevo is an aborted idiot! a pregnant cabbage without a husband, and so r his ministers!

nevender said...

No, I will not allow you Serakelz or antipop to disrespect my President.... STOP IT. BAD HABIT.

nevender said...

Other than that- let's do what we need to to help.

Carsozy said...

A man's toothache is more important to him than some hoodlums far away who are dying of god knows what, so wake me when people start dropping dead in Kampala.

NIKolaS said...

i have been away so long that this comment should just disintegrate. i have been informated now i know you have a place in eastern uganda called Teso. and that the rest of you are fat because you do not want for food. i do hope that was the lesson that was being taught here.

Erique said...

Did you watch that guy on TV? The MP who belched while they cried about the famine?

Go to WBSTV. They'll show you the tape

lulu said...

this was a hilarious perspective. but its a sad

petesmama said...

You know,I have no words, Antipop. No words.

As if buffoons are not bad enough, they have to be shameless ones too.

normzo said...

i feel bad about the katoogo i left on my plate this morning.... and even after that, i just passed the center put up by Mogas at there offices near the garden city round about...

I should go back and drop in some something.....

Baz said...

Cosign yz, and Nev what respect does Sevo deserve these days? Dissent is the duty of the patriot. Now more than ever.

Emi's said...

That's the problem for having an Ass in the presidents seat...These things can be fore seen and fixed before shit happens

My prayers to the brothers in Teso

Ugandan girl said...

Now this is why you lot should elect me as president...you are all promised cabinat positions

sunny7days said...

lol....i read somewhere that M7 said he will retire after he 75...I thought dude was like 80. but yes Ug girl you have me vote.

mphoebe said...

Check this one out_ http://theanti-pop.blogspot.com/

sleek said...

and as always, anti popeth...and i'm trying so hard to be solemn but u make it so hard aunt

Sybella said...

wabula, only can find a way of making your point about something serious in a hilarious way... you are special like that...

tumwijuke said...

Ugandans (government and we) have really short memories. This isn't the first famine in recent years. Remember the floods of '07? Remember the famine that resulted from that and the 54 people who died of hunger?

We treat every emergency like it is new and unexpected. But the signs are everywhere!

For Pete's sake, my Bakiga in Kambuga are also crying about 'enjara'. Enjara because all they plant are bananas, sorghum and beans. They have absolutely no plot for the future. None. It doesn't help that Kinkizi FM - their main source of information - broadcasts a traffic report instead of a weather forecast every evening.

It's going to rain in a few weeks. We'll have floods. The floods will destroy the fields. We'll have famine. It will be too hot for anything to grow. The heat will destroy the fields. We'll have famine ...

Argh! Mini post, but nanti you're my homie (just allow) and you're okay with it.

Meanwhile, echoing Baz. @Nevender, there's a thing called freedom of expression. Disrespect is an expression of disgust. YKM isn't infallible ... and yes, often the actions of his government are trully disgusting.

edsulah said...

it's such a pity

savvy said...

The situation is the same in Kenya with every famine, year in year out.

Safyre said...

And the ministers just bought themselves high-end SUVs! Hmm

Anonymous said...

Very shorts, simple and easy to understand, bet some more comments from your side would be great

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