not without my onions

Due to popular demand, I have decided to come back. Okay so I am stretching the public demand bit. Only Cheri wanted me back, but I am here anyway. I have been away because I was dealing with emotional trauma.

Last week Sunday
Lawn mower guy comes home pops his machine to life and before long, grass blades are meeting their demise. Nice enough. We do not have to live in constant danger of being bitten by snakes. Not so nice is that the noise from his outdated lawn mower has just interrupted my Sunday afternoon TV routine. Yes. On Sundays, I watch TV like it is going out of fashion. So I fought with my conscience about shouting at the guy about the possibility of muting his damn thing. Reason won. I figured, he couldn’t possibly know that the machine was making noise. You see, lawn mower guy is deaf. Besides, I have the plight of the physically disabled persons at heart.

Sometime last month
This genius idea came to me. It was so brilliant I sat back and hugged myself right after it had occurred to me. So I thought I would contribute to family welfare by increasing food production. I sorted through the onions at home and came up with perfect candidates for planting. Five of them were quickly lowered into the earth and I sat back and waited for harvest time. Everyday I checked on the onions, pruned, weeded and caressed. They were the best looking onions I had ever seen. They were so hot in fact, I could not wait to see how favorably they would compete with the boiling cooking oil once they had been harvested. In short, I was proud of these onions and even more proud of my handiwork. They were germinating well and I was pleased

Last week Sunday
In the evening, I went for my daily routine of checking on my onion garden. There were none. They had been leveled to the ground! They were the level of the freshly mowed grass. I knew immediately who had done it. I had let him off the hook earlier about the noise because he was deaf, but what excuse did he have now? Clearly his sight was excellent otherwise he would not have gone into the grass cutting business! How could he have not seen those onions? How could he have missed them standing there in their glorious splendor? How could he have mangled my babies so? So anyway, I am sorry, but I am going to have to shout at a handicapped person. So all this time when I have been away, I was composing a hate speech

Update
My onions once proud and glorious now sit in withering cowardice. The once healthy well fed glorious healthy looking leaves have become all skinny as they attempt to grow back. I miss my healthy babies

Fact
Yes I planted onions in a grass compound!

29 loungers burdening me:

neema divine said...

lol, u wacth tv like its going out fashion...i do that too on sundays, i love that feeling.

Cheri said...

Others dunno what they miss..

Good to have u back kukuyu...now lemme read.

Cheri said...

I'm sorry I read lawn mower guy and I just thought about Gabrielle Solis and her garden boy.

The word germinate sounds dirty like sperminate. Maybe because it's to do with soil.

U weeded? That isn't the past tense of Weed? Is it? I'll ask Bobi wine.

Tandra said...

lol@cheri... ask Bobi... lol

well there u go!

Chanel said...

Damn Cheri those sweaty hands on dudes do things to your ostrogen too? Even Antipop, she said so. You lazy ass can actually find time to germinate things? I bind

Princess said...

The onions supposed to be a synonym for tears over the aforementioned emotional trauma?

Solomon King said...

You. Planted. Onions.

Madness much, Anti Gundi?

Chuck that gardener.

Emi's said...

Anti, some good will certainly come out of the death of these onion. do not mourn for long

Emi's said...

lol Cheri. I'd skipped your comment..Weeded..lol.

S.K eeeh how will the brother feed his family?

lulu said...

aww, i watch tv on sato like a problem! about the onions thats really an ouch but you should have known beter and planted them else where, also you!

nevender said...

I am touched...there is a surviving onion planting woman in my generation!!

I am sorry for the onions Auntie...

Carlo said...

Banange, isn't your garden beautiful enough with the lawn without being violated by onions? Next time put up a fence and those bu markers bazungu have in their nice homes saying 'Onions'. I'm sure the lawnmower won't miss that.

mphoebe said...

am sorry. this layout makes the posts come off as text book info. Pliz help

jny23ug said...

Ooh am soooo touched. Antipop is not only a very well learned young
lady, beautiful, with a great sense of humour but also very hard
working and a gardner plus loves nature.
Ba guy, atlast i think ive found that person i been looking for

leos child said...

i so get the agony i planted flowers in a flower bed outside some dwanzies from national water dug them up looking for a none existent pipe and this was after they had dug across my lawn i was seething mad i could have killed them.i called them up and they came made a report and never returned i was too mad.though why would you plant onions on the lawn?

3 said...

now that internets are back i have forgotten what i wanted to say.

wait. yes, this time plant maize around the 'kitunguu' to protect it.

B2B said...

Exactly how many times does the gardener mow the lawn?
Huh!!!

apr9 said...

Fact
Yes I planted onions in a grass compound!

Did u put STICKS around ur lil' nursery bed of onions?

petesmama said...

Lol. You planted onions in the grass? Lol! Sorry-oh.

kissyfur said...

bulbs always grow back...But kudos for having time to plant onions.

Ugandan girl said...

First time here..sorry about your babies..though what was the hate speech like...?

Mudamuli Ntikita Ntikita said...

I should try planting onions too. This was hilarious.

Baz said...

Where is my comment? It was witty!

the antipop said...

Baz, that's what they wall say!

smelling the coffee said...

you win every single time!

Sybella said...

you are special antipop...

therisingpage said...

I liked this post...So how are the onions doing now?

xena said...

ooh child, onions, i am really touched!!!!i like onions.

val said...

:)..onions in the lawn?? hehehe....

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