the perfect diet

So at the big brother profile, when they say Big Brother III is back, what exactly do they mean? Have they shown this particular season before? When? When did it air? Had it like gotten cancelled and now it is back on air? It is all very confusing. Would be glad to get any kind of clarification on this matter anyone. About the diet;

I am fat. I have cellulite, and when I sit, my stomach folds into four ribbon like shapes. Naturally, I battle the weight. So sometimes I will eat two slices of cake, instead of five, will drop a few crystals off of the spoon just before I dip all 5 of them in my cup of tea, I will slice the crust off the 6 slices of bread just so I can feel good about eating less. Not to mention that I will insist that my meat be lean everyday when it is served on my plate at lunch, and at dinner. I will even throw in two push-ups atleast once a week. I cannot afford to take chances. I am a health nut like that.

So I am always on the look out for diet plans and regimens that I can follow. Once I discovered the cabbage soup diet, where you are supposed to eat cabbage soup for breakfast, lunch dinner and repeat for days on end. The carrot diet where you eat one huge carrot for breakfast, eat half a carrot for dinner and just sniff it at breakfast. There was the water diet where you drink water all day and all night for Lord knows how many days. Needless to say, I have tried all of these for all of like 3hours (total), and they have not done anything for me.

And these diet plans are all so depressing. How nice it would be to land on a diet that says, “lose 10kg on a diet of cake and ice cream” or “get amazing abs in two weeks of just sitting on the couch watching TV.” Or “the new whole milk with cream that is guaranteed to suck the cellulite out of your hands” How come I cannot lose weight in a fun way like that? I have been in despair for a long time over this, which is why I am excited to share with you this new magic bullet fun diet I have discovered...



I am signing up.

25 loungers burdening me:

The Dark Knight said...

LOL!!

The water diet is called fasting :P Been on it a couple of time. Not.Funny.

But seriously, why so serious? For us skinny chaps...

You should try gaining weight!!!

The Dark Knight said...

oh yeah, these boots were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do...

tres jolie said...

try this....

The Dream Diet: Losing Weight While You Sleep
Can more sleep really help us control our weight? Three top experts explore the possibilities.
By Colette Bouchez
WebMD Weight Loss Clinic-FeatureReviewed by Leonard J. Sonne, MDLose weight while you sleep. It sounds like something you'd hear on a late night infomercial -- just around the time you are reaching for that bag of cookies because, well, you can't sleep.

But as wild as the idea sounds, substantial medical evidence suggests some fascinating links between sleep and weight. Researchers say that how much you sleep and quite possibility the quality of your sleep may silently orchestrate a symphony of hormonal activity tied to your appetite.

"One of the more interesting ideas that has been smoldering and is now gaining momentum is the appreciation of the fact that sleep and sleep disruption do remarkable things to the body -- including possibly influencing our weight," says David Rapoport, MD, associate professor and director of the Sleep Medicine Program at the New York University School of Medicine in New York City.

While doctors have long known that many hormones are affected by sleep, Rapoport says it wasn't until recently that appetite entered the picture. What brought it into focus, he says, was research on the hormones leptin and ghrelin. First, doctors say that both can influence our appetite. And studies show that production of both may be influenced by how much or how little we sleep.

In fact, have you ever experienced a sleepless night followed by a day when no matter what you ate you never felt full or satisfied? If so, then you have experienced the workings of leptin and ghrelin.

tres jolie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mudamuli Ntikita Ntikita said...

Only a sniff of a carrot at breakfast, how funny.

Mom always tells me to eat whole grains and avoid food with white processed flours, then proteins, water & lots of fruits and vegetables.

petesmama said...

Honestly, Antipop. People do not realise how hard it is to maintain all this love-handle fabulousness. For now, I'm sold on the "doughnut a day" diet.
Anything that involves depriving me of delectable tastes is out of the question.

Sybella said...

lol... petesmama. wamma assure them.

antipop, isn't that your number that you are tryin to advertise to the world? don't worry, i am sure the 'innocent who is on the edge' has already saved it in his phonebook... (((going to hide in the afghan caves to avoid being beaten to death by the mukiga)))

Cheri said...

Afghan caves...Syb? Lol

Guys, u're suffering for nothing.

I have the dietary trick to throw all tricks off...how do u think I maintain my love handles...
Here goes,

Eat all u want.

Then swallow 2 tape worms a week to eat whatever u have eaten. SIMPLE and EASY!!!That is what they call "losing weight with food" like Ivan says in his ad.

PS: Remember not to de-worm.

Thank me later (In a bout a month)

Ivan said...

Cheri! We had a deal. I don't tell people about those ads advertising BUMS and HIPS and the fact that you are masterminding them and you don't say shit about my diet proggie. This is war!
@Sybella; Is it really hers? I don't want to be calling and hearing some dude saying "Eat Worms"... wait, that wouldn't be a dude, its Cheri ;o)

chanelno5 said...

I dont think you will afford that diet either. First it will leave you with big holes in your pockets. And by food that means lettuce, broccoli, green pepper with a hand full of rice with a mind full of hallucinations that you are actually satisfied.

Cheri said...

Yep, Ivan got it right...

Guys, please ring that phone number. This money wont make itself. And besides, I'm breeding tapeworms.

Get calling.

Carlo said...

Y'all are just hopeless. Embrace your flab! Be a real African woman! Blah blah blah. My plan is to get proposed to, rush off to the village for three months of sitting down and drinking milk galore. Until my butt won't let me go through the door and my thighs have a hard time separating. Yup, that's the plan. So, anyone want to marry a fat-bombola?

Ivan said...

@Carlo: Who the heck on this side of two years old uses the expression Fat Bombola anymore?...and if you're looking at getting proposed to, that no thigh seperating plan should be your little secret. N'uh mean?

B2B said...

Unfortunately getting abs on ice cream is purely hilarious...

even i would be on ice-cream...

anyways, i'm just high-fiving P'sMomz and Sy...

Love-handles-fabulousness

Hehehehe

and i thought as long as you're comfortable with yourself.... the rest is drama

have you watched "why did i get married?"

maube you could hit easy work-out sessions with "Loser"

@Aivan
Hehehehe
Fat bombola
Hehehehe
that's like 1996 or something

31337 said...

i read a post. then comments then now i am lost for words. what was the verdict?

Princess said...

Fat-bombola? WTF! LMAO!
*And I'm waiting on that safi and rolex... :P

Phoebe said...

Fat-bombola...lol! when was the last time i heard anyone say this...lol, am tearing up. Carlo help

Phoebe said...

@antipop, me love how this is written.
and if am to add on the list of the uncalled for diet ideas, there is this special one called "eating less- just because the fridge is filled with goodies, dont mean u empty it in two days"

Phoebe said...

but then again, i have been hospitalised as a direct result of that same diet..diagnosis...mild starvation;eating less.

so beware, have a good doctor on speed dial when u try it

Disco Muthenya said...

I wish things were indeed that simple. i watched my mum loose tons of weight by simply cutting back on excess. trade in the white flour for brown/whole grain, eat less rice,chapos,fies,etc and more fruit and veg esp if you want to snack. drink lots of water and juice sans added sugar and preseves but most of all indulge yourself every once in a while with the icecream et al. she went from size 20 to somewhere btwn 12 and 14. dont starve yourself though, its never that serious and life is way too short so enjoy it.good luck

DeTamble said...

SIX slices of bread? How in hell do you manage to eat all that?

...I like the tape worm idea, where do I sign up??

nahjaj said...

“lose 10kg on a diet of cake and ice cream” or “get amazing abs in two weeks of just sitting on the couch watching TV.”


i love these!!!!

neofreud said...

This was a hillarious post!! Lol

I love the sattire. :)

Fatty said...

How i missed the chance of taking u out when u wa on that diet of water and carrot-sniffing.

antipop said...

@fatty. shut up Eden!

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