work,bloody work, freaking bloody work

I work for a newspaper. Which is sad really, because I believe that my true calling is in bed. No. Not working. Just sleeping. Lately, I really hate my job. Sure I have had those moments before in the past where I did not want to see the inside of our office again, only to come back all wistful and apologetic- apologizing to my desk and computer that is- but this time, the whole I hate my job routine has lasted longer than normal. Which can only mean one thing; that I need to come into my inheritance soon so that I can really go do that duty for which I was crafted out to do. Sleep. I mean, me and my bed have this amazing rapport, I get all teary just thinking about it.

Since I have not come into my inheritance yet, I still slave at this newspaper. Its name; “the chapter.” so I have been away from work for three days, only to come back and find that some nits had imposed on me some stupid assignments. I mean, there is like 400 other dedicated writers and they had to go and give the assignment to the one person that did not really want it! Apparently, they (newspaper) are revamping their look, introducing new magazines with in existing magazines. I know. Weird. Right? So I am supposed to write a sorta promotional story. What? Are they fucking kidding me? I would sooner promote the charcoal stove than this er, er, thing. But they are the bosses. So I took the assignment, and here is how it turned out.


The chapter’s fucking revamping like they have nothing else in the world to do
Antipop from Kanungu

Your favorite daily has found even more ways to torture your already miserable life. On top of their already sleep inducing Monday nightmares (yes, really. There is a sleep inducing nightmare out there) they are revamping the Monday paper to include a men’s section as if we do not already have enough fagots(no offense whomever. i diss straight guys all the time and they do not curl up and cry over it) traversing Uganda as it is. I mean seriously!

They (the paper, remember?) are spreading out content and design to include the public. I mean more like stretching the public’s patience and endurance. What the readers (are there any?) should spread out is their palms across the editor’s face. Seriously how much more of this crap can the public take. One unqualified source aka editor says that readers can write in and tell us their stories. Yea. Why don’t you go ahead and light a fire and invite people to tell folk tales, while I die from misery and embarrassment.

Asked what the public is benefiting from this selfish gesture, another unqualified source said, “it is meant to give people a bigger platform.” Who freaking needs any more platform. We already have the constitutional square as a platform. Look how many people have been arrested there so far. What is to stop those same morons from arresting you no doers for wielding a daily chapter newspaper? If you guys know what is good for you, you should never buy another chapter psuedo newspaper. What a bunch of jokers all these editors are!

What a freak show! What pure nonsense. What garbage. The chapter indeed! How about I introduce you to the next chapter in your shameless life that reads; THE END.

This assignment required me to write 800 words but I cannot be bothered to make up more words. If you editors feel compelled to, come up with your own gibberish. I am done sucking face.
For God and My country

I guess now is when I beg you not to tattle to my employers?

26 loungers burdening me:

the antipop said...

popped it!

Tandra said...

antipop. ur comment doesn't count.. :-)

So i claiming the boots, socks, manya cigarettes today.. yay!

but in othernews, ur job sounds... fun...

Chanel said...

Ama tell on you. But you kagal you are so funny

Solomon King said...

Hehehe, you're like antipopping all over the place.

When I read mbu "my calling is in bed", I like froze for a split second.

The Chapter???

Hilarous read. Now to find your employers and commend you for an amazing little piece that begs a standing ovation.

They'll reward you handsomely, I'm sure.

Emi's said...

lol @ S.k, Is't it cool people can finally write their trash?

I like that men are getting more recognition

tres jolie said...

Anti-P; am thinking GUG may not appreciate a comment you made in this post.....

31337 said...

i might have an opening, its not a very prestigious job but clearly that will not be an issue...

Innocent No More said...

nice read, I could fall madly in bed with you...NOW

Cheri said...

Lol Innocent and Antipop...get a lodge. Go Cool is smack in the middle of town.

Miss Kanungu...this is very good as usual.

U're the real press.

Cheri said...

GUG never appreciates anything Tres Jolie. Ever to play devil's advocate.

Three, was I on the panel that decided that?

Kobayashi said...

Send them this post instead

kakaire said...

If your true calling is in Uhmm.. Bed, then hopefully count me a client.

B2B said...

Hey AuntiePop...
i know you warned me and future children to not say that again, but auntie this post is surely going to be nominated for one of the B2B awards...

Dope dope post

mphoebe said...

And if all jobs were beds....

EQ said...

shoes off, pants off, shirt thrown over there, boxers almost away...then i saw innocent and kakaire were there first. antipop, i'll be in the living room waiting for my turn...

nevender said...

hmmmmm

Sybella said...

i so feel what you are saying at the moment...

jny23ug said...

I have a job for yu.
Sleeping in my house
and ill pay yu handsomely
for it

minty said...

Too funny. They should be paying you more just so you don't go and write this kind of stuff!!

Baz said...

Do like Els and resign.

I wonder if she said: "You can't pay me enough to put up with this!" How do you walk away from all that money? Life does not make sense.

Carlo said...

This right here is why blogs are better than the bloody papers!

Igis said...

hahaha. You are the winner. Was reading your post open in one window and the said newspaper article in another window. HILARIOUS

wanyama said...

@Baz---the moment i heard Els had quit--i knew the job is yours.
And Antipop--this post is finding its way to your editor as we talk. You will be sent to bed officially. Good stuff gal

Anonymous said...

eddsla

err...tell innocent and kakaire to hurry up coz eq is waitting in the living room.

KK said...

Did you just try to deny Tandra her socksies.... bad.

James Tubman said...

when you get that inheritance let me know

i can really work it in the bed

i can be a nice giggilo lol

2009 let there be me - Powered by Blogger
Blogger Templates by Deluxe Templates
Wordpress theme by Dirty Blue