on my to kill list today,

Here are some of the songs that make my intestines grind against each other and threaten to expel all that bread, rice and sugar that I binge on everyday. These songs make me get so constipated, that when I go to the loo, all I expel is air. They make my head hurt so bad that I want to commit suicide. These songs, they suck the cellulite out of my thighs- that’s a good thing actually- these songs, I hate.

Umbrella (Rihanna)- Yea. I know I am going to take heat on this one coz in the video she has on that cute penguin costume that exposes her round bottom. But man, I hate that song. I hate it especially coz it has corny, cheesy RnB lyrics that are also suggestive if you pay attention and that ella, ella, chorus thing that sounds like it was churned out for the Blu three in Steve Jean’s shack

No one (Alicia Keys)- I love Alicia. But what a joke! What a mockery to her person! How dare she put her reputation at stake? And for what? For those amateurish lyrics? And that bridge! ‘Oh oh oh oh oh (repeat till you cry)…’ I forgive you Alicia, because of that song “you don’t know my name,” but please if you ever come up with anything like this garbage again, we shall part ways for real.

Say what you need to say (John Meyer)- Actually, those are the only words he says in the whole song. Why is it important that you remind us to say what we need to say like a million times? Dude, we heard it the first time. Don’t try to force your blood into our veins!

Blue Magic (Jay Z)- This guy says sometimes he composes a song in like 25 minutes. Here. Sample some of the lyrics to this song… “No pain, no profit!”(You just found that out Einstein?) …. “Chef, guess what I cooked”(genius connecting chef and food! Who would have thunk?)…. “Rockstar, look”(something had to rhyme with cook). The video has a good picture. And colors.

Cindy’s new song. Anyone heard it? No? Don’t.

Gimme More (Britney spears)- That song is a mess. The video, a complete mess. No more of that song, please.

Four minutes (Madonna)- Now grandma Madonna has got to take a break. Go and breast feed baby Banda or something. Wait. There is no milk in there. Right. Go milk the goat then, but whatever you do, stop twisting ever so painfully like that, always putting me on tension wondering at what point you shall break that hip. And for fucksake stop hanging around the young boys. It only makes you look older. And put on some clothes while you are at it.

Teacher (Master Blaster)- For just

25 loungers burdening me:

kakaire said...

Oh mama nze socks

kakaire said...

I hate: Teacher. the rest I don't mind.

I heard you binge on katogo. Is it the new bread, rice and sugar?

31337 said...

you missed a spot. mariah carey, touch my body. for me that and four minutes shall be the death of me.

Sybella said...

hmmm... to each their own. i still like no one.

britney's last album, no thank you!

kissyfur said...

Im with you on Alicia Keys. I loathe that song.

leos child said...

i like when she says its britney bitch then it ends the rest dont really care what they spew as long as i dont have to buy it!

chanelno5 said...

I hate Rock music, makes me wat to pop a vein. I hate it and every note that comes out of the speakers or whatever it is they use guitars. Its just a bunch of noise, noise and more noise.

Even Steven said...

yay, a chic who hates rock in Kampala. I was starting to think all women actually love rock music.

*no one, no one, no one..." People are learning from Sean Kingston.

Josh said...

*Stifles a laugh.Looks around to make sure there aren't many people in the vicinity.then..
LOL!

I agree with you on:
Umbrella-Loaded with sexual innuendo(/...don't be afraid,come into me,come into me...) and well,just sucks.

No one:Don't play it near me...

Gimme more:Naye you people.Give her some credit...She was from rehab when she wrote the song.Do you think inspiration is easy to come by when you are high up on...er...Kilimanjaro?Me I think it sucks a little less,considering the drugs in her system...

Four minutes:Er...does any one have the lyrics of this song?i don't remember hearing any word.And please remind me of her age...She's what again?

Blue magic:I like Jay-Z.I love Roc boys ...But that song,I hate!

Teacher: *Suppresses urge to use very colourful language.umm...no comment.

Say what you have to say:I like the song.Oba it's because it's the soundtrack of that movie..er...starring Morgan Freeman and I think Jack Nicholson.That one about 2 men diagonised with cancer and told they have just a while to live..so they set out to do the things they always wanted to do.

Anonymous said...

i love blu 3

chanelno5 said...

Bucket List Joshi

buttercookie said...

Teacher is an excuse for a song...it's vomitacious.

But woman, all u do is expel air...

Umbrella still plays on radios? Gosh, it's been an age...she shd move over...try Take a bow.

No one is so rubbish for real. At least ko Teenage love affair.

No girl, I have a crush on u and all, but leave Jigga out of this...we'll take this outside.

Bambi, forgive Britney...she's a big mess. She's taken so many knocks already. Don't kick a dying horse.

Maddona is too old to be doing such things.

-Miss Cheri

savvy said...

i did not feel no-one for alicia keys either...she did nothing on it..

and that gimme more for britney spears? urghh! what is she trying out in the video? pole dancing?? its the unsexiest thing...

madonna should just learn to age gracefully..otherwise she may just end up like MJ

savvy said...

@chanelno5

u think rock is just noise? what will u say of crunk? at least some rock music actually has listneable lyrics...

Heaven! said...

I love that Madonna song!!!especially the tick tock tick tock part

Teacher? that one i chose to ignore.like he does exist. same to Kapapala. another bum praising song!

Heaven! said...

*doesn't...

Phoebe said...

am in love...with this list, silly.

neema divine said...

ha! ha! ha! Madonna is sure a grandma, i hate her.

Sleek said...

teacher...when all is said and done, i find it interesting that the guy got our minds racing but didnt quite say a thing..i mean, start the strange word and finish it off innocently..kapapara(sp..).I wonder how that crap got airplay..that guy must really know people in high places..maddonna is hustling,the bills need to be paid...

Anonymous said...

Antitop it's quite obvious that in your world -if it were possible- all rock songs would be chart-toppers...how do i explain the lack of any rock song on this list...with the heavy and usually ucordinated metal sounds...

Anonymous said...

honestly, i love madona. i think she held out her own when it was still her time. i only wish she wasnt working so had now to erase the good memory of her that was trying to keep up with her now grandchildren. its sad children, nothing to laugh about; grandma's disgracing herself!Jesus help us. E.

Antipop, u child; i have seen u jubilate to Teacher...now whats this about? what's Master Blaster done to turn u against himself? uh?

Anonymous said...

You probably have a point on all but surely not John Meyer. That song is deep..! And he keeps repeating those words cause he wants them ingrained in you. That's what repetition is for innit?

Afrobabe said...

ok, i agree with all except Alicia keys no one...that is the bestest song ever babes...

Esquire of the mountain said...

for what its worth... master blaster's teacher is quite funny...its riding on cheap sexual innuendos but then millions of english songs do so too...and he (kinda) succeeded...
The rest...umm pass
Am glad you at least didnt take a stab at Wyclef, Akon etc "sweetest girl"...its on replay 24/7

DeTamble said...

I don't listen to any of those songs...except that Ella song...and I only have it cause my nickname is Ella, amongst many many other things and my friends like to sing that song at me. Irritating fuckers that they are!!

All the artists suck in my opinion, yes, even Alicia Keys.

2009 let there be me - Powered by Blogger
Blogger Templates by Deluxe Templates
Wordpress theme by Dirty Blue