an eye for an eye

Uncle George groomed me to be a lawyer. Everytime we were having conversation he happened to say, “When you become a lawyer…” never if. It was a given. I was going to finish secondary school, enroll in university, get a law degree and be a lawyer. And I believed it. I even spiced it up, so that everytime someone asked me what I wanted to become in future, I said, “Barrister.” But then I always had a true love. Lounging. So when it came to filling in forms for which courses I wanted to do at the university, I filled in “Lounger” in all the dotted spaces. He has never forgiven me for betraying him, and I have never felt better for stabbing another person in the back. And it turns out, there is no such course at the university. So I have perfected the art of lounging all by myself. I am genius like that. Now back to being judge. You see, my uncle might have been grooming me for bigger challenges in life. If only I could have listened.

I have mentioned before that I live with my sister (she’s kind bla bla bla). Well, she has a husband. And they are always bitching and bickering and pointing fingers. My job is to twist the finger to point in the appropriate position. I solve marital cases. They range from who is fatter to who loves his car better than his wife. I solve them all in these different ways;

a) I may stalk off to my bedroom ignoring the both of them
b) I might smile and say hello, and do a) above
c) I might indulge their foolishness and listen
d) None of the above

Often when I do c), I always try to come up with a solution. My brother in law might say to me as soon as I enter the house “A-P, I have a problem. Your sister has big feet” and then my sister will shout “He is the one with the rough fingers.” For one I might recommend Movit or Samona and for the other, liposuction. Case closed. This one time I fell short of my expectations. I had no answers for the impasse posed to me on one hot September night. I got back home tired, from an honest day’s lounging, and all I really wanted to do was get acquainted with my bed, but my brother in law needed answers.

So he says to me “Antipop, I think your sister has taken on a sugar daddy. ” Amused, I ask, how is that? So he says, “well, she has a contact saved in her phone she calls ‘Cash’ ”

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14 loungers burdening me:

Cheri said...

SNAKES!!!

Cheri said...

I would like to thank my family for loving me, my friends for being there for me, God for creating me and lastly but not least, I would like to thank B2B for the opportunity he gave me to win those SOCKS!!!

There are other people who perform better in this feild but I won the Grammy. YAY.

Ok, now lemme read.

Cheri said...

Just drama.

I can see Barchelor of Mass Communications has maintained it's legacy as a Longer's course.

For the record, I lounged as well.

1sts, 2nds and 3rds. I dedicate one to My dude Three and the other to B2B.

31337 said...

bachelors again?

cheri. its not working. you are not in my good books. try harder.

The Emrys said...

man thats a whole lotta drama, i hear big feet and rough fingers.

tumwijuke said...

Chick, you need to 'grow up' and get your own place ... like NOW.

Mr. B2B said...

@3,
i have no part in this

All i know is that Cheri likes dark-skinned brothers...

@Auntie Pop
Why do peeps have beef
and contrary to Tumwi's advice, plan your exit wisely...

you don't want to enter a new digs and start purchasing equipment... beds, crockery, etc..

Cheri said...

B2B, where did that come from?

Tandra said...

LOL @ B2B.. for real she likes dark-skinned brothers? LOL

i hear "cash".. priceless!!

mphoebe said...

A-P. Auntie Pop

I need a nick name

@Tumwi; moving out costs money. she is a pro-lounger; 1x0=...

sleek said...

“A-P, I have a problem..."..does the guy really call you that? Lounger A-P would be more appropriate...I know a friend whose brother's grandaughter could make some room for you,as long as you don't mind cats..

DeTamble said...

"I have never felt better for stabbing another person in the back."

Have I mentioned how much I love you lately?? YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH!! :D

DeTamble said...

Antipop hates cats.

Don't move out!! Unless you come live with me, obviously. But stay put, Lounging takes conviction, don't be lazy by moving out.

Tumwi, you living in fairy land, the point of being a Lounger is to mooch of peeps! Not to move out.

dannycrane said...

ok now i hate denmark coz i am ever late and it sucks!! i think when i get back we shd get our own lounger's house!!

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