an eye for an eye

Uncle George groomed me to be a lawyer. Everytime we were having conversation he happened to say, “When you become a lawyer…” never if. It was a given. I was going to finish secondary school, enroll in university, get a law degree and be a lawyer. And I believed it. I even spiced it up, so that everytime someone asked me what I wanted to become in future, I said, “Barrister.” But then I always had a true love. Lounging. So when it came to filling in forms for which courses I wanted to do at the university, I filled in “Lounger” in all the dotted spaces. He has never forgiven me for betraying him, and I have never felt better for stabbing another person in the back. And it turns out, there is no such course at the university. So I have perfected the art of lounging all by myself. I am genius like that. Now back to being judge. You see, my uncle might have been grooming me for bigger challenges in life. If only I could have listened.

I have mentioned before that I live with my sister (she’s kind bla bla bla). Well, she has a husband. And they are always bitching and bickering and pointing fingers. My job is to twist the finger to point in the appropriate position. I solve marital cases. They range from who is fatter to who loves his car better than his wife. I solve them all in these different ways;

a) I may stalk off to my bedroom ignoring the both of them
b) I might smile and say hello, and do a) above
c) I might indulge their foolishness and listen
d) None of the above

Often when I do c), I always try to come up with a solution. My brother in law might say to me as soon as I enter the house “A-P, I have a problem. Your sister has big feet” and then my sister will shout “He is the one with the rough fingers.” For one I might recommend Movit or Samona and for the other, liposuction. Case closed. This one time I fell short of my expectations. I had no answers for the impasse posed to me on one hot September night. I got back home tired, from an honest day’s lounging, and all I really wanted to do was get acquainted with my bed, but my brother in law needed answers.

So he says to me “Antipop, I think your sister has taken on a sugar daddy. ” Amused, I ask, how is that? So he says, “well, she has a contact saved in her phone she calls ‘Cash’ ”

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