Today my workmate said to me...

“Antipop, you will never get married”
Truth be told, he is not the first man to tell me this. Another workmate also told me something to that effect about three months ago. And remember Duncan? The crybaby? Well, one day, he also told me I might never get married. I hear no man was going to be able to take my whole educated bullishness. Then there is my brother in law who thinks I will make a slave of any man that will be silly enough to take me.

Their reasons are that I am a woman and I should be willing to compromise.

My brother in law says I am too big headed for any man. According to him, it is okay for a man to have more than one woman, to go out and drink all night long and the duty of his wife to stay home and wait for him. He goes crazy everytime his wife goes out with her friends especially the male kind, whereas he has no misgivings about telling stories of how he was in the casino the other day with his friends Stella and Joanna….
So I always say to him, if a man cheats, by God I have every right to cheat. If he thinks it is okay to go to a bar and come back at 3 in the morning and expect me to open for him, he should also be ready to open for me at 3:30 when I return from rock night. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Right? Right?

At which point my brother in law sings to me, “every woman needs a man” and I say “yes. But does it necessarily have to be a husband?” Do I need a husband to be able to have sex? Must it be a husband that fathers my children? Do I need a husband to be able to have companionship? Can’t I just date? Can’t I just have random sex if it is physical fulfillment I search for? Must I walk down the isle to feel like a total woman? Must a woman always be defined by a husband? Why do people tend to think that the most important role a woman can ever play on earth is to take on a balding hairy man with fat fingers, to be the person she wakes up next to for the rest of her life?

My most trusted uncle asked me the other day whether I had gotten a boyfriend yet, so I told him I had not yet. I was still looking for the right one. And he advised me, “Antipop, I think it is time to lower your standards. Men (and I say this because I am a man) are not perfect. Therefore, you should just get someone, and be willing to take him as he is” Really? Should I compromise my values, principles, and everything I stand for just so I can get a man? To get married, have babies, grow fat and please society? Should I really be reduced to taking on Mr. Wrong just so I can appear normal?

John (not real name ofcourse) and I were dating. A really nice, funny guy. Cared about me, was intelligent, had stimulating(CB would have been real proud of him) conversation, successful and all that. Until one day we are talking and he says to me “antipop, I really do not believe in the whole emancipation shit. I believe a woman belongs home cooking for me, looking after me and watching over my property.” He also hinted that if say, I ever accepted to marry him, he would expect me to quit my job and stay home. I did not talk to him for a week and when I finally talked to him, it was to tell him, I could not see him anymore. We are still good friends. I still hate him for what he said to me.

I am incensed by all this shallowness. You wonder why people even go to school if they are going to come out thinking like this. I do not ask a lot from a man. Really. All I ask of a man is that he know how to cook and prove it to me. Everyday.

39 loungers burdening me:

mphoebe said...

Sooooooooocks..........and........... Boooooots

and suck my socks!

tres jolie said...

Hummh Anti.P; why does this sound familiar? Did you just steal my ideas?

Cheri said...

Wamma u will. U will get that Bill Clinton who u'll bully and he'll love it.

Cheri said...

Oh, and SOCKS!!!

B2B said...

@Cheri

Lose it...

@AntiPop
sometime you will understand compromise when you see the things that "he" is doing for you, and also asking you are not as much as you think they are now...

but this is a dope post too

Mbu CB would have been proud..
Chuckles..

Did you let John know how you feel?
about being the stay at home Momz...

Personally, my dad is the same sorta person like John, but my Momz has been a freelance business woman for like 2 million years...

so you both have to call the shots, and compromise...

even if it sucks like hell

Anonymous said...

No yu dont need a husband to have sex.

No yu dont need a husband to have children.

No yu dont have to walk down the isle to feel like a woman.

I can give yu all these things ate in "fours".
Wonder what took yu so long to realise this.

See u at my place madam president

31337 said...

i cannot for the life of me cook. that is unfair that is. the last line.

DeTamble said...

@Cheri: Bill Clinton! ROFL!!

Antipop, don't you dare lower your standards!!! Don't even think about it. And you're right, if guys expect us to do things then we have every right to expect the same of them!

Like coming home at 3:30am or cooking.

kakaire said...

Lemme get this straight, just the other day you had no boyfriend?

"Should I really be reduced to taking on Mr. Wrong just so I can appear normal?"- YES, because there is no such a thing as MR.RIGHT. There is MR. RIGHT NOW though.

Move to the US, then your husband can cook for you everyday. They do it all the time.And I laugh about it all the time.

DeTamble said...

@Kakaire: You're a liar. You know there is such a thing as Mr. Right and for someone you are it.

Mudamuli Ntikita Ntikita said...

I used to think that there's no such thing as Mr. Right and I was about to lower my standards.

Even Steven said...

nya nya nya nya ...you got bullied into changing your template. ntsssss, like someone sozas. sellout.

and, about the post, there's a saying from my part of the country: "okule obone."

antipop said...

@even steven, stop bullying me with sayings...

Ivan said...

I've hahad...and B2B if you let out one more chuckle...LORD help me!

Huh, marriage?

boyfulani said...

first time am here and i must bow down and say:dope post- or how do they say it in Chinese?you really have so much going on your side. a bundle of opinions, convictions, attitudes- how about others? i love the hard headedness- but is there a middle ground?

Me said...

mmmmhhhhh so after cooking...i ges he will have to also prove looks good in a skirt -meanwhile as you try on the pants.

And finally prove that he can give birth...

antipop said...

@me, Now that is exactly the attitude that i fight everyday. please do not go to your grave that ignorant. Oh, and if he has cross dressing tendencies so be it, and as for giving birth, I will not even tell you how juvenile and sexist you sound there. It is people like you that make my world such a tough place to live in. Giving birth is not a job, it is not a task, it is a natural process. you dont see me asking men to grow vaginas. You are totally getting the wrong end of this post, characteristic of all chauvinistic guys. Anyway, I hope one day you realise that there are no set roles for men or women. there is no such thing as a woman's place is NATURALLY in the kitchen, although it is oh so NATURAL for a woman to give birth. Get it?

dannycrane said...

mmmm eeeh speechless antipop u shd just call for a tad pole donation coz with ur standards u will never get some. do u think u are perfect? wake up and look at ur self in the mirror be4 u shower!!

Me said...

Wow! didnt know a post of less than 20 wds wd tell so much about me; ignorant, sexixt, juvenile,chauvinist...

i think yo capable of reading something from nothing. Explore that talent.

Seriously, prob ive found with gals/ladies like you is that they tend to view emancipation from only one point...

Here is the other side;
Since you wanna be like me i strip you of all the privileges, they're simple btw eg.

Dont expect me to open the car door for you.
Pull your chair when we go for dinner.
We may as well share the home bills.
In short i'll not treat like a vulnerable or weak sex like sex has portraited you.
And when am hard up, foot the kids' fees...pse and pse dont rush to FIDA.

And this is my ideal woman.

mphoebe said...

Touche

mphoebe said...

and the FrUiT is Dannycrane?

mphoebe said...

Ps. the Touche part - just so we not confused- was for the comment response by antipop to " ME"

Me said...

meant like society has potraited women

antipop said...

1.@me, i think i know who you are

2. i have never even liked the whole emancipation thing. Far as i am concerned there are no rights or equality i ought to fight for. I believe in basic human principles. of chivalry and courtesy.

oh, and i dont wanna be like you. i just wanna be ME. Dont you get it? This is not about you. It is not about wanting to be like you or John, Peter, Joseph and Ahmed. is there anywhere in this post where i say "Dear God, why am i not like a man? why dont i get the same previledges as a man does?" can you point out just the one bit?

Please read through again, understand this post and comment again.

@danny crane, totally uncalled for. again, try to read and understand this post

Carlo said...

wow, narrowmindedness still abounds! in this day and age? I want to get married and have children. but I sooo feel you antipop! On a lot of things. Especially in your response to 'Me'. 'Me', men nowadays don't do the things you're talking about. yes, women still pay bills and take their children to school by themselves. so what happened to our 'ideal' men?

Antipop for president. What, never heard of a female African president?

DeTamble said...

How about just Antipop for God.
I'm kind of sick of a current God, never seems to do much, never available to answer your comments on life, bit of a tosser really. Lets elect Antipop as new world God.

DeTamble said...

Oh and what kind of idiot doesn't know how to open a car door?

Felix said...

..(goes down on all fours and with shivering voice says).....

Antipop, will u marry me?? I think You are the One! Oh, and this is not some Michael Ross line! I dont even know the guy.....

Cheri said...

Lol, Me, take all that back and apologise! ASAP

Antipop, ignore all the doomsayers.

Mudamuli...love your comment. Never lower your standards by disregarding a Mr Right.

And SOCKS!!!

Disco Muthenya said...

you have preached to the choir and i am singing your tune.Dont, for the love of you, lower your standards that's how you end up under the feet of the likes of "ME".there are many guys out there who love women like you and me just the way we are.just remember that they have friends like Mr. i-am-the-sh*-over-here who never fail to share unwanted opinions.men(term used very loosely) like him know they cant have or handle women like you so rather than hide away in their misery lone the spread it around to make sure they have company.i found a guy who loves my strength,thats what it is not "hard-headedness", my ambition, and who understands that life without a woman,like me, would be like, ooh let me see, kinda like being "me (and my miserable self)".
so be blind to the haters and dont change one hair on your head. you're perfect the way you are!

Chanel said...

Me I am a senga woman and so I wont allow housegirls to take care of my business at least not while I can still do something about it. Please dont kill me Antipop I come bearing white chocolate

DeTamble said...

@Chanel: Quit covering me in chocolate already. Why can't you give her some dark chocolate? I'm sick of having bits of me chewed on!

Kobayashi said...

Taming of the shrew...... (runs away very fast)

Spartakuss said...

@carlo: i had this feeling a few weeks ago. exactly about where did the ideal men go? and as i got to thinking about it. i realised the men were no longer in the land.

and because the women had searched for them and not found them, they had decided to become the men they wished to marry. honest check it out.
http://mysuggestionis.blogspot.com/
and when reading this post i wondered in how many ways, a mn must change to even be able to remotely love today's woman

Esquire of the mountain said...

as a man commenting on this post and reading all the comments, i feel like a tight rope walker, walking a fine line of being rational without raffling your feather but my take on this:
Your Mr right will have to be revolutionary in thinking because whereas we seem to be a generation in a hurry and in constant change, some things change and others never change but I don't know too many men who are ready to tow the line of for example cooking everyday(my boss does it however) or are capable of dealing with a woman who is more powerful or successful than them. My all too little experience from watching top bosses in my accounting world for example has many of the top women bosses single, lesbian or divorced or something like that. The ones who are successful have at one point taken a career break to focus on family. Perhaps its the being away too much from home or working too hard and long to survive in a world dominated by men that makes it all too difficult but nevertheless It really takes a silently strong supportive man not to let his ego appear to be crushed by such a person as you. But that said and done, yours is a narrow road to walk, but then arent the stuff dreams or Mr right are made of from the exception rather than the general mass.
Best of luck in everything.

DeTamble said...

Why are you all such losers?

Look, if you can't treat a person as a person then you're an idiot.

Men are this and women are that. It's stupid and it's not true. All people are different, it really has nothing to do with your gender.

Both of you can cook. Get over it.

antipop said...

@phoebe, suck your socks? that is a very disturbing image.

@tresjolie, great minds?

@cheri, bill has got to pay for that lewinsky era. my feeling is, he may pay for the rest of his life or with his life for that matter

@cheri, socks? really?

@b2b, i am not against compromise in any way...

@anonymous aka playa, i believe we have a date.

@three, well, you best start taking classes...

@detamble, i will not. and if you know any aussie that will have me, feel free to carry him with you as hand laguage when you come

@kakaire, just the other day i had no boyfriend. or do you know something i don't? plus i will not take Mr. wrong. atleast not knowingly.

@mudamuli ntikita... way to go!

@ivan, you are always haharing. one more haha'd from you and you will have me chuckling in stiches

@boyfulani, thank you, and yes, there is ofcourse a middle ground. i do bend sometimes, a lot in fact.

@me, now if only you were not too coward to come out of the closet...

@antipop, wait, that is me. oh well, we shall talk later...

@carlo, reckon i should go for 2011, or is that too soon?

@cheri, here is how this whole socks thing works. you comment first, and win the socks. you come in 3rd or 18th, you just bow out graciously and let phoebe bask in the limelight. capiche?

@disco m, halleluya!

@chanel, that is also allowed. so long as you are happy and comfortable with it. nobody should take that away from you. nobody will.

@kobayashi, stay and fight!

@spartakuss, men are plenty alright. you just have to look around you. and sieve real good.

@esquire, My Mr. right, has only got to be human. all i ask is that Mr right don't expect me to do things only because i am a woman, but because i am a human being. it is just simple rules of human decency. that is all. i am not looking for a revolutionary. i am not looking for Rubashov! Wait, I am not even looking.

@Detamble, i agree. why can't we all be humans?

Bomblast Onyango said...

Because you and me baby ain't nuthin but mammals so let's do it like they do it on the discovery channel

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